Physics

Physics for kids...

Stress in a beam:

Stress = Weight of Levi or Ella · Length of the Wooden Stick They Found in the BackYard / Section Modulus

Factor of Safety = Ultimate Tensile Strength of Sun Aged Wooden Stick / Stress

Percentage Odds of an Emergency Room Visit Had I Let Them Continue = High

Acceleration and Velocity:

Force = Mass · Acceleration

Acceleration = { [Mass of Levi · Gravity · Sin (Angle of Stairs)] - [Mass of Levi · Gravity · Cos (Angle of Stairs) · Coefficient of Kinetic Friction of Levi in Laundry Basket Against Stairs] } / Mass of Levi

Final Velocity of Levi = Square Root of [ 2 · Acceleration · Length of Stairs ]

Amount of Fun Levi Was Having = Huge

Conservation of Momentum:

Momentum of Noah = Mass of Noah · Velocity of Noah

Momentum of Levi = Mass of Levi * Zero Velocity

Velocity of Two Boys Tangle in a Laundry Basket Headed Down the Stairs = [Momentum of Noah + Momentum of Levi] / [Mass of Noah + Mass of Levi]

Amount of Giggling Occuring While Attempting This Stunt = Bucketloads

Of course, the physics for dads tonight were not nearly as fun:

Pressure Discharge from a Pipe:

Velocity of Water Exiting Under Sink = Square Root of [2 · Water Pressure / Water Density]

Volume of Water Collected Under Sink = Velocity · Pi · Tube Diameter² / 4 · Time Leak Went Before Being Detected

Annoying-ness of Fixing Water Leaks Under a Sink = Great

Fatigue Life:

Plastic Strain Amplitude = Fatigue Ductility Coefficient · (Number of Cycles to Failure) ^ Fatigue Ductility Exponent

Chances that some Maytage engineer understood the above equation far better than I do, and purposefully designed a dishwasher control panel that would fail exactly 20 days after the 5 year warranty expired = Very high