Book Review: What He Must Be (If He Wants to Marry My Daughter)

I just finished this book while I was up in Utah. Although the title might lead you to believe it is just about daughters, it isn't. Voddie Baucham covers fathers and what they must be to raise Godly sons and daughters. What sons must be if they want to marry other father's daughters. What husbands must be. What daughters must be. I would say it is less of a "how to" manual and more of a "here are the criteria to strive for" book.

As you would imagine, many of his suggestions are pretty much the antithesis of popular cultures notions of romance, men, women, dating, love, etc. Some of them are even foreign to typical evangelical churches, although I think he makes a good case for them. For instance, he has totally written off the whole notion of dating for his daughter. She is 18, and hasn't been on one. Ever. He expects a young man to come and ask his permission not only to marry her once they have dated for a while, but before they ever go on their first date. And he isn't going to just grant it automatically, as his standards are pretty high. Old school. And I am not sure I disagree with him (I just heard Katie's head explode), I'm just not sure how exactly to pull that off.

It is definitely worth reading if you want to be challenged in how to raise your sons, your daughters, and how to be the head of your household that God intended.




One part that was especially impressive was the story of Rowland Taylor, in discussing the role of a man as protector of his family.

Rowland Taylor was a pastor in England in 1555, starting during the reign of Edward VI, and ending during the reign of "Bloody Mary." Foxe's Book of Martyrs says:

"Taylor was a mild man, humble and without pride. None in his parish were so poor that they could not approach him as a child to a father, and none were so rich that he would not rebuke them when they sinned. His preaching was forceful, firm, and true to the Word of God"

Good combination of gentleness and strength.

After being thrown out of his church by "the papist violence that overthrew the true doctrine of the Gospel of Jesus Christ" he was encouraged by his friends to flee to a location where he would be in less danger. He refused, saying:

"For myself, I am fully determined, with God's grace, to go to the bishop, and to his face tell him that what he does to me is insignificant... Remember the good shepherd Christ. He not only fed His flock, but also died for His flock. I must follow him, and with God's grace I will do so."

Taylor confronted the bishop, was accused of being a heretic and blasphemer, and was told to submit himself to the Roman pope. He refused.


While in prison, he gave his son a book of the sayings of the old martyrs. In the back, he wrote:

"I say to my wife, and to my children, the Lord gave you to me, and the Lord has taken me from you, and you from me: blessed be the name of the Lord!... Trust in Him by means of our dear Savior Christ's merits: believe, love, fear, and obey Him. Pray to Him, for He has promised to help. Count me not dead, for I shall certainly live, and never die. I go before, and you shall follow me after, to our eternal home."

Wow.

The night before his execution, his wife and daughters (one adopted) waited outside the prison for him to be moved. The sheriff and his men allowed Taylor to talk with his wife, where they embraced and prayed the Lord's Prayer. "Watching them from a distance, the sheriff and his men began to weep." After they had prayed, Taylor kissed his wife and told her "Farewell, my dear wife. Be of good comfort, for my conscience is quiet. God will stir up a father for my children."

Rowland Taylor climbed into a barrel of pitch, put his back against the stake, folded his hands, and began praying.

"Then he stood still in the fire without either crying or moving, with his hands folded before him, until [one of the sheriff's men] struck him on the head with a halberd and split his head open so that his brains fell out and his corpse collapsed into the fire."

Writes Voddie, of Rowland Taylor:

"Rowland Taylor was not Rambo or captain America. He was an ordinary man whose life bore the marks of a genuine walk with Christ. He was a protector of the weak, a defender of the faith, and a martyr who faced death with dignity...

Those of us raising sons would do well to read them stories of men like Rowland Taylor... We need to hold such men up as shining examples of what genuine faith in Christ looks like. Moreover, we need to remind them of the cost of discipleship and the danger of friendship with the world.

We must also help our daughters hold such men in high esteem, for if they do they will be unlikely to settle for less. How can a young woman hear stories of men like Rowland taylor and find weak, selfish, godless men attractive? A man who is characterized by such holiness, gentleness, compassion, resolve, and bravery is certainly capable of being a protector."