1 AM rambling thoughts of a sleepy "new" mother

So things seem to be going well with Sophie. However I can't wait to get out of here, get home, and then see what life will really be like. For now, this is what's going on.

- Jason and I can not sleep this trip. I don't know if it's the location (MUCH noisier) or if we are pumped with too much adrenaline or what. All I know is trip one, we slept great. Trip two, we joke about how every night here feels like six. It takes forever to make it until morning.

- They feed the babies at Toukoul in the middle of the night. So while Sophie goes to sleep nicely at 7:30 each night, at midnight she begins thrashing wildly in her pack-n-play. She doesn't cry for food, she doesn't really even wake up all the way, but I get up and feed her none the less. I figure if her body is used to that nutrition I am not going to scale back. Not now. We will figure real life out at home when we adjust to the ten hour time change. That should be fun.

- Sophie is definitely aware her world has changed and she is panicked. She has picked me as her safe place, which is good. When she is in my arms she is happy, silly and VERY wiggly. If I try to pass her to Jason for a moment of reprieve to say, go to the bathroom, she totally flips out. LOUD, LOUD crying with tears streaming down her little cheeks. She wants me and is panicked until placed back in my arms where she immediately stops fussing.

- When I say "Sophie is VERY wiggly" what I mean by that is as I hold her she is frantically trying to climb higher up me. To where, I am not sure. But she has a death grip on my neck or shirt collar at all times. If she could burrow into me, she would. My neck is covered in scratches and war wounds as she is constantly digging in deeper for a better grip. The shirt I wore to dinner tonight is completely ruined, because the neck line is so stretched out. Seriously, the locals at Greenview saw way more of me than they needed to or I ever intended. I need a turtleneck on with this kid!

- Ella adores her new sister and is able to get her to smile or laugh easily. She is a great help to run grab a diaper or toy as needed. She too, is ready to head for home and start "real life." We finished reading the two chapter books we brought, and she is looking for more to do. Tomorrow we better finish up her math homework her teacher sent along. We are so thankful we brought Ella on this trip and just hope she will remember parts of it someday.

-I have a feeling the plane ride home is going to be brutal. I think I will be standing up in some aisle-way with a panicked Sophie clawing me to death for 18 hours. Pray for us, and let's hope Benadryl has a calming effect on her.

- While we were going to ask our family and friends to please respect our choice of not letting others hold Sophie for a period of time, I think Sophie has made that desire very clear as well. LOL! So, while it is exhausting, I don't want to complain. We know it is going to take a long, long time for her to feel safe with us and gain trust. We will be patient and loving and let her claw us to death for years if need be. (I personally hope she will begin clawing daddy too, so I can hand her off from time to time.)

- There is a possessed mosquito buzzing around my head preventing me from sleeping until the call to worship begins at 4 AM. I sure hope he doesn't carry malaria! (remember these were ramblings of a sleepy mother.)

- Oh yeah, pretty sure she is going to go berserk in her car seat on the way home from the airport. Not sure Luke is going to enjoy sitting by her. Also pretty sure I won't be able to convince the Phoenix police that letting her hang from my neck like a rabid koala is a much calmer way to travel. Gonna be lots of adjustments for that little peanut.

- Bottom line, I can not wait to get home! If it didn't cost an arm and a leg we would change our tickets and head home tomorrow night, rather than wait until Saturday. Seriously, the nights here take six days.

- Don't forget to pray us back home! We are going to need it!

Paige